I know. In a case such as yours - where there is no fault to put on a party - it's harder.

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It is extra hard when there is no bad moment for a breakup, nothing concrete to pin it on - but just purely the distance and financial circumstances. That sucks but I guess it's a part of our lives where technology allows us to keep in closer contact but doesn't solve the problem of distance when it comes to actually BEING together. But as time has gone on for you and you realize there is not an end in sight afterall, for being together, the relationship did change. It is not what you hoped or wanted it to be, even though that is no one's 'fault'. It's still something that has to be faced and dealt with and you seem to be at a better stage for that than R is. That is something HE has to deal with, not you.

For another phase exes sometimes go through, it's the 'there must be someone else' stage. For me when I split up with guys, there WAS someone else (on their part, not mine). But my friend in England just split with her husband and he is driving her CRAZY with accusations that she must be seeing someone else. She worked full time and came home right away, picked up the girls, and then spent all night at home. Every night. She goes out with her friends maybe once a year lol.... so there is no other guy (as far as I know, and I believe her), but her husband cannot accept that she left him because of HIM - so now he is at the stage of trying to blame someone else for the split instead. I think a lot of couples go through that.

Well i can say there wasnt someone else, at least not for me, not until after i had decided. Wayne has always been in and out of my life, but has kept his distance until AFTER i had begun to talk about it being over with R, and then he approached my friend first, to see if she thought i was 'ready'.

i think that stage was what the email reading was about, the 'is there someone else' part.
Well, so far today, he has not made any effort to contact me to let me know how the date went. That means it was either very good or very bad lol. I hope it was good cos i really DO want him to be happy with someone else.

After no contact for a couple of weeks r emailed me last nite. He basicly accused me of cheating the whole time we were together, with an array of people. The email hit my inbox about same time my period started, so u can imagine my response! I was livid. I know he has hit the angry, blaming stage, and understand it. But grrrr all those yrs with no sex

I figured he must have done something drastic because I saw your FB status and thought 'oh ohhhhhhhhhh'.

He can think whatever he wants. If you look back over the relationship, there were some rather odd times when you were visiting him (I think it was last time) when he wasn't quite acting the way a guy who hasn't seen his lover for a long time would normally act and I wondered what was going on... I got some weird vibes off the situation I guess you could say, and I was worried about you being down there if he was going to act like that (worried as in your emotional state, heart, or being left there with nothing to do if he didn't get his act together, etc). If you were cheating on him all that time, why would you bother to fly across the ocean to get some nookie? Sheesh. don't worry about it, ignore it now, and let it go.

Added to all that, waynes ex sent me a friend request on fb this morning. I added her, cos they are friendly and she hasnt been nasty to me.

I know what you mean dizz. If anything it should have been ME making the aqusations. I know my conscience is clear about when i was with him. What he thinks is really immaterial at this stage though i would like to think he thought well of me. He has sent me an appology saying that is not what he really thinks but was trying to get angry with me to make it easier to not be in contact. he has sent several messages on msn when i have been offline, but i have ignored them. strange, since he is supposed to have blocked me. One fo the messages said he didnt realise it was my account cos it has different name and pic. It says Jules for gawds sake, instead of Rosie... he knows my name
Anyway, i am glad he got angry cos it is another stage towards healing. just a pity he caught me pms week lol.

i did think though that i might as well been jumping Wayne 18 months ago when he split with his partner, cos i got blame for it anyways even though i was good.

not that I condone people cheating with married peeps, but I never did quite get 'hating the other woman' stuff. Yeah I was ticked at the other chicks when my ex husband cheated, but more because I was embarrassed... the ANGER was for HIM. He was the one married to ME, was supposed to be loyal to ME - so it was him I was angry with. Unless they did something directly to me (like my fun jax files), I did not hold hatred and nastiness for 'the other women', not in the regard that so many others do. They get called 'home wreckers' but they can't wreck the home if the husband doesn't let them, right? So my point is, no matter what has gone on between you and wayne over the years, his ex should be looking at HIM when angry, not you. Unless you were related or her best friend or something, cos that's different lol.

thats true Dizz. I have actually done nothing to her. mind you,she hasnt really done anything to me. So far I am giving her grace.
R decided to contact me today to sat he missed me and wanted to be friends. I told him we can be friends as long as he is aware of the fact i will be dating and wont be flirting with him. I will see how he reacts when he realises reason i havent been online is that i have been out every day this week. (why is for another post, when i get my head around it )